And So It Is.

After all the broken hearts, I’ve finally figured out the problem. I fall in love a little too late. I guard my heart like some kind of castle. I don’t let them in when they want. I wait until they’re long gone, then I realize they were the one I wanted all along.

A Million Little Pieces.

I think about her. I think about the first time I saw her. I was eighteen and at School and I was sitting by myself under the orange and yellow of a fading October tree. I had a book in my hand and I was reading and for some reason I looked up. She was walking alone across the lawn of the School with an armful of papers. She tripped and the papers fell to the ground and as she bent over to get them she looked around to see if anyone had noticed. She didn't see me, but as she scrambled to pick up her papers, I saw her.
She didn't see me, but I saw her.

Charlie,

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Thanksgiving Eve.

Spending Thanksgiving with my soul mate:

Karissa Marie Kirk.

& Mom, Lori (2nd mom), Kass and Shawn.

A much-needed break from the busyness ahead!

Moving!

Had a great time with Nat & Linds last night

in my future home:

Hermosa Beach.

There is a lot to be thankful for this holiday:

I am surrounded by such amazing people,

am getting my entire school tuition paid for,

will be living with my two best girlfriends in LA,

& met someone wonderful whom I am hoping

will be in my life for years to come.

I love where I'm at, and where I am going to be.

To show my appreciation, I think it's time

I volunteer to give back to the community.

Maybe help out at a children's hospital?

Anyhow,

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey...

it would be fine if you want to come over at nine.

We can lay on the floor and watch a movie that we've already seen.
Or we can talk and touch with the radio on,
we'll wait for awhile, 'til they play our song.

How I Feel.

Had a very interesting Monday night.

Enjoyable actually.

Dealt with a thief, and made some

new friends dressed in a striking shade of blue.

Very similar to my Halloween costume.

Lesson: Don't mess with the ones I love.

Tonight was wonderful as well.

Met Nathalie's mom and Grandma.

Ate at Takami, a delicious sushi restaurant.

Regarding love...

I'm feeling torn between wanting everything

and nothing at the same time.

Maybe the resolution is

I want something right in the middle.

In-between.

Torn between wanting you: you are comfort.

Or wanting something new: he is excitement.

I think you feel the same.

What I'm trying to say isn't really new.

It's just the things that happen to me when I'm reminded of you.

Like when I hear your name or see a place that you've been,

or see a picture of your grin or pass a house that you've been in.

It sets off something in me that I can't explain,

and I really just can't wait to see you again.

& So It Is.

I went to Barnes & Noble with Nathalie a few days back

and picked up a book that I've been meaning to read called

A Million Little Pieces by James Fray.

Yet another novel to add to my collection about

dysfunctionality and the depravity of life.

I can't wait to begin reading it!

That is, once I complete On The Road (Kerouac) for the 2nd time.

Sonnet XVII
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose,

or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straight-forwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way than this.
Pablo Neruda

Hold On To This Kite.

What a night.

Sushi, Yogurtland,

Singing and Dancing...

among other things.

We're just fine. We're alright.

We are.

&

No matter what the future brings,

I want you to know:

I'll always believe in you.

-KH-

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy.

You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs

and perfect moments that you find only in movies.

You expect him to always say the right thing,

and always know exactly how you feel,

or exactly how to react to it.

You expect him to calm you down when you're yelling

or to chase you when you run away.

You expect so much that you feel entirely,

and utterly defeated when something doesn't

exactly match up with all your plans.

But that's the thing, love isn't a plan.

It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end

or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love happens, and it is so incredibly messy.

This is an INCREDIBLE friend:

Surprising me at work with my favorite Bodyfactory Smoothie

(with a wonderful personal message written on it).

It's the little things that matter the most.

I'm going to be extra nerdy

and save the cup. Maybe use it as a pencil holder?

Something clever like that.

Dinner with the girls tonight.

Can't wait!

The Rope.

I wish things were simple.

I wish it weren't awkward.

Am I making it awkward?

You feel it. As I do.

I wish you'd dig deeper...

I wish I could change it.

Make myself believe.

But, I know...

this is nothing more than wishful thinking

from a heart that genuinely wants to love.

-KH-

Went to Amoeba today

& purchased

Patch Adams, October Sky, and Rudy.

All for the price of one movie.

Wish I could have added another Disney film

to my collection...

But they're so darn expensive!

Current Beat:

Bon Iver "For Emma, Forever Ago"

Goodbye My Lover

Today I discovered a delightful hippie-esque hang out called Cafe 101.

If you live in the LA area, I highly recommend it for something quick to eat.

Plus, they serve breakfast all day.

Also, I have to say the

Twilight: New Moon Soundtrack is incredible...

Thom Yorke, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Bon Iver, & of course, Muse.

I cannot wait to see the movie (along with the millions of other vampire-obsessed fans),

and Robert Pattinson is perfection.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.

You have been the one, you have been the one

for me.

I'm so hollow, baby.

So hollow.

Tyler.

I do not understand why the Toadies had to break up.

They are brilliant.

And she runs through her days
With a smile on her face.
And she runs,
And she waits.
And I wait.

We can drive to anyplace,
Day or night, across the state.
And in the morning,
Into Mexico,
We will wake up.

I will be with her...

I find a window in the kitchen,
And I let myself in.
Rummage through the refrigerator,
Find myself a beer.
I can't believe I'm really here
And she's lying in that bed.
I can almost feel her touch
And her anxious breath!

I stumble in the hallway
Outside her bedroom door.
I hear her call out to me.
I hear the fear in her voice.
She pulls the covers tighter.
I press against the door.

I will be with her tonight .

Paris Calling.

Lately, I have been feeling the itch to move out of LA.

Actually, I'll take it to the next level: Out of the US.

Paris, maybe? ...

Where wine is as common as Starbucks.

In light of the cooler weather that I hope will eventually hit California, there are a few boots that I have been salivating over. Both under $200. Just thought I'd share.

Halloween has passed, reminding me just how close we are to end of another year. Time is flying by... it's almost sickening.

Anyhow, the one thing I love about Halloween is that you can dress like a stripper without the unwanted judgement. Rather liberating, actually. Naughty cop, anyone? Ah, the tackiness of it all!

The love that we will never make is the most beautiful, the most violent, the most pure, the most heady.